Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
