My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
