This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
