She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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