I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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