it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
