I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
