A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
