i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize