did you get engaged???
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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