why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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