I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
