The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
this will be a night to untag.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
