i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
