This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
