im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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