Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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