i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
