I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
