i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
