i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
