duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
