i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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