I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
