Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need water and some morals
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
