So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
