have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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