I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
