I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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