so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize