dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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