she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
