she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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