i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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