Umm I'm too high to move.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
