he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
