You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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