You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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