girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
