Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
