Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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