I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
