oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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