How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
