So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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