i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
