Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
