You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
