we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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