wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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