umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just invented taco cereal.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
