What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
