I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
