So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
