im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
