Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
