i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
