i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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