Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
