i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
