hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boobs speak an international language.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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