but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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