I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
