We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
