is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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