Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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