All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
