Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
