Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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