Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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