Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
