im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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