so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
