i just wanna soil my oats bro
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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