My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
