how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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