So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
